Dean Poling

A TALE

John was like a lot of people he knew in his town.

He hated his town.

He never spoke the words, “I hate my town.” But like a lot of other folks, he said it in other ways, loud, clear and often.

Some hated the town of Here as a whole.

Others hated Here in individual pieces.

If you found a social media post about something someone hated about Here, you found John’s name and comments listed right along with the rest of them.

Hospital Here. Hate it. Worst hospital in the region, possibly in the state, possibly in the world. Hate that Here hospital.

Newspaper Here. Hate it, a rag, never anything in it, horrible newspaper Here.

No good restaurants Here. No matter how many restaurants open their doors in the town, there’s always one restaurant that hasn’t located in Here which means the town restaurant scene is awful. Or others claim there’s nothing but restaurants Here which means there are …

No real jobs Here. All the business development board can do is bring more restaurants or service industries to Here. Nothing that really pays good money. Just minimum wage jobs.

The local college Here. Those college kids park in yards, on the streets, double park. They play their music too loud. They talk too loud. Everybody at the college thinks they are so smart. They don’t know nothing.

Crime Here. Here had become the Crime Capital of the United States.

The list went on.

And on.

And on.

Much in the same way that most folks of Here went on about all things Here.

Not like things There.

Ah, things in the nearby town of There were better. Much better. Even the town of Over There beat what’s happening Here. Some even argued which was better – There or Over There.

Post about a bad experience at the Here hospital, someone posted about the miracles of medicine at the There hospital. Or the Over There hospital. No waits, no troubles, no apathy There.

The restaurants are tastier There.

The Over There shopping experiences offer more options and better deals.

Crime seems well in hand There.

There gets all of the new industries. Over There has the new plant paying good money.

People Here went on so much about things There that it’s surprising more people didn’t move from Here to There.

Though some people moved, at least, a little or in pieces. They bragged about going to the hospital There or shopping There or eating There while driving back and forth to do these things from Here to There.

John, however, he had had enough.

He heard all of the complaints about Here and they framed each of his experiences in his hometown. Every negative was magnified into a catastrophe of Here town ineptitude.

He finally came to a striking conclusion.

John had to get out of Here.

He had to move There.

So, he bought him a house There, sold his place Here and moved.

There, where the food was always the right temperature, the kids always said yessir and yes ma’am, the water wetter, the air more airy …

John breathed deep as he moved his items into his new house.

Neighbors moseyed over to introduce themselves. John gladly met them. They asked where he’d been living.

He sighed and shook his head.

“I’m coming from Here,” he said, “I’m so glad to be out of …”

“Here,” one neighbor said. “My wife and I go to Here every weekend. Not a whole lot to do in this town.”

Another neighbor said, “We never use the hospital in this town. We get the best care in the hospital in your old town.”

“Yeah, my wife and I go to Here a couple of times a month to shop and eat. We don’t have anywhere near the restaurant options.”

One woman said, “If it weren’t for family and this being where my husband and I grew up, we would probably move from There to Here.”

Dean Poling is an editor with The Valdosta Daily Times and editor of The Tifton Gazette.